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He-Men know that females are lying, manipulative, evil, vile, disgusting creatures put on this world to annoy us and take half of our cool stuff when they meet some rich guy and divorce us. All you have to do to join is send me your favorite misogynistic expression, quote, or joke and I will add it to the list below if I like it.
Feel free to send any comments to
heman(at)gordonsl.com
If you know any good woman hating sites out there let me know and I'll add some links.
HE-MAN WOMAN HATER SLOGANS
- Fat girls need loving too (Listen to the original song by the same name)
- Girls are bad.
- "Making love" is what a woman does while the guy is banging her.
- You can tell if your wife died if the sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
- Women and fishing, always practice catch and release.
- Women cry at their wedding because they had to settle for you.
- If you don't keep track of their period, they slip in an extra one now and then just to be bitchy.
- They can't keep a secret, but they can hold a fart.
- Why don't women go fishing? Because they would have to be quiet.
- Do you know when a woman isn't lying? Her lips are not moving.
- As long as they continue to use our razors, we will continue to leave the toilet seat up.
- Woman have two sets of lips so they can piss and moan at the same time.
- My wife ran off and took the dog, I'm sure gonna miss him.
- A bride smiles on the way to the altar because she knows she has given her last blow job.
- Marriage is like a tornado because it starts with a lot of sucking and blowing and in the end you loose the house.
- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there's a clock on the oven.
- What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's told.
- How is marriage like a hot bath? Once you get used to it, it's not so hot anymore.
- It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
- I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
- A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he's finished.
- If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
- I haven't spoke to my wife for 18 months . I don't like to interrupt her.
- How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
- What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? After you use a toilet it doesn't keep pestering you to marry it.
- Money can't buy love. But it can rent a very close imitation.
- Get a new car for your spouse, it'll be a great trade.
- Don't be sexist, broads hate that.
- Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- What's the difference between a wife and a single woman? About 45 pounds.
- Women are like parking places. The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
- Women are like turnpikes. You pay to get on them, and you pay to get off them.
- Misogynist--A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
- Love: The delusion that one woman differs from another.
- The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her.
- A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married.
- Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they would be married too.
- Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.
- Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing they die earlier.
- When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
- Never argue with a women when she's tired, or rested
- Why do women fake orgasm? They think that we care.
- Remember that no matter how beautiful a woman is, she's with you because some other guy was tired of her shit.
- Women get their periods once a month because they deserve it.
- If your wife wants more freedom, get a bigger kitchen.
- Women; Can't live with 'em.
- The reason women have long legs is so they can get from the kitchen to the bedroom quicker.
- Why do married men die earlier than unmarried men? Because they want to.
- Why did the woman cross the road? Who cares why, what was she doing out of the kitchen?!
- How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, let the bitch cook in the dark!
- How do you know when a woman is about to say something intelligent? She starts her sentence with, "A man once told me...."
- Brides are dressed in white so they match the rest of the appliances.
- Why can't women ski? Because there's no snow between the oven and the sink.
- How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just sit there in the dark and bitch.
- What is the difference between a woman and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling scum-sucker. The other is a fish.
- Men who have pierced ears are best prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a women's sex drive by 90 percent: Wedding cake.
- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
- Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
- Women have smaller feet than men so they can stand closer to the sink.
- Men pass gas more than women because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.
- What do women and condoms have in common? They both spend more time in your wallet than on your penis.
- Why do only 30% of women get into Heaven? If there were more, it would be Hell.
- Why do girls rub their eyes in the morning? They have no balls to scratch.
- Why did God give women legs? So they don't leave slug tracks.
- If it has tits or tires its going to give you trouble sooner or later.
- God gave women vaginas so that men would at least talk to them.
- What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? After you nibble the breast and thighs all you have is a greasy box to throw the bone in.
- Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
- I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
- When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
- Marriage is a very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
- What do you do if the wife is staggering around in the backyard? Shoot her again.
- What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing she has already been told twice.
- Why are their so many cases of wife abuse? Because, the bitches just don't listen.
- What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A Pussy is something nice and warm that you want to get into on Friday night, a cunt is what owns it.
- Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
- There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.
- Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
- What's better, having sex with a woman or taking a good dump? The dump because you don't have to cuddle it afterwards.
- Women only have two faults: Everything they say, and everything they do.
- What do you call the excess skin around a vagina? A Women.
- A Whore is someone that screws everyone, a bitch is someone that screws everyone but you.
- A woman is just a life support system for a pussy.
- Women come and go, but you can rely on your dog and your truck.
- If you depend on a woman to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.
- Don't get married. Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
- I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.
- If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.
- Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost impossible.
- Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand to see a
man having a good time.
- What is six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild? Money.
- What do you call a Playboy centerfold that is a lesbian? Bitch.
- What are the three reasons that make anal sex better than vaginal
sex? It's warmer, it's tighter, and it's degrading to the woman.
- What's the smartest thing ever to come out of a woman's mouth? Albert Einstein's dick.
- If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have
you done wrong? Made h her chain to long.
- How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.
- What do you do when the dishwasher won't work? Kick her in the ass.
- What is the difference between your wife and your job? After five
years your job will still suck.
- Why is a fat woman like a moped? They're both fun to ride, but you
wouldn't want you r friends to see you on either one.
- What is the best thing about a blowjob? Ten minutes of silence.
- Why do women have arms? Have you any idea how long it would take to LICK a bathroom clean?
- What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
- What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
- Women are like guns - keep one around long enough and you're going to want to shoot it sooner or later.
- Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some may say monogamy is the same...
- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in? The dog, of course....at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
- If a woman didn't have a pussy, they would have a bounty on them.
- All women are exactly alike. They look different from one another so you can tell them apart.
- How many women does it take to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
- Women like intelligent men because opposites attract.
- What do you call a woman who has lost her mind? A widow.
- Make love, not war. Hell, do both and get married.
- Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.
- The best way to get a woman to do something is to suggest that she is too old for it.
- So many women - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
- What do you do if your wife walks out on you? You change the locks.
- The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
- God created all men equal, then plucked the dicks off the really stupid ones.
- If sheep could cook who would need a woman?
- According to the Bible woman was the last thing created. I wonder if he wasn't a little tired by then.
- Things wouldn't have been a lot better for us guys if God would have used a funny bone instead of a rib.
- The day women stop carrying mirrors is the day I will support the Equal Rights Amendment.
- Not all women are annoying. Some are dead.
- If you help a woman in need, she will remember you the next time she is in
need.
- Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships.
- Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in.
- They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
- God gave women tits so men would at least talk to them.
- Women are like floor tiles, if you lay them right the first time, you can
walk all over them for years.
- Women are like blenders, you need one, but you're not quite sure why.
- Women are like commercials, you can't believe a word they say.
- Women are like copiers, you need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
- Women are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and are usually
wrong.
- Women are like lava lamps, fun to look at, but not all that bright.
- Women are like laxatives, they irritate the crap out of you.
- The Space between a woman's breasts and hips is called a waist because you
could easily fit another set of tits in there.
- The difference between a car battery and a woman is that a battery has a
positive side.
- It's called a "Wonder Bra" because when you take it off you wonder
where her tits went.
- God created woman to carry the semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
- Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves, afterward the y
is silent.
- I never knew what real happiness was before I got married, then it was
too late.
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