WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN
- Dogs don't cry.
- Dogs love it when your friends come over.
- Dogs don't care if you use their shampoo.
- Dogs think you sing great.
- A dog's time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
- Dogs don't expect you to call when you are running late.
- The later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you.
- Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
- Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
- Dogs are excited by rough play.
- Dogs don't mind if you give their offspring away.
- Dogs understand that farts are funny.
- Dogs love red meat.
- Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
- Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
- If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
- Dogs don't shop.
- Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
- A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
- Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
- A dog's parents never visit.
- Dogs love long car trips.
- Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions.
- Dogs understand that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted.
- When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
- Dogs like beer.
- Dogs don't hate their bodies.
- No dog ever bought a Kenny G, Cher or Barbara Streisand album.
- No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood.
- Dogs never criticize.
- Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
- Dogs never expect gifts.
- It's legal to keep a dog chained up at your house.
- Dogs don't worry about germs.
- Dogs don't want to know about every other dog you ever had.
- Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer.
- Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
- Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
- You never have to wait for a dog. They're ready to go 24 hours a day.
- Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry.
- Dogs don't borrow your shirts.
- Dogs never want foot-rubs.
- Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public.
- Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
- Dogs can't talk.
- Dogs aren't catty.
- Dogs seldom outlive you.
HOW DOGS AND WOMEN ARE ALIKE
- Both look stupid in hats.
- Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
- Both tend to have "hip" problems.
- Neither understand football.
- Both look good in a fur coat.
- Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
- Neither believe that silence is golden.
- Both constantly want back rubs.
- Neither can balance a checkbook.
- You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
- Both put too much value on kissing.
HOW WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS
- It is socially acceptable to have sexual relations with a woman.
- Women look good in sweaters.
- Women leave the room to fart.
- Though they only have two, women's breasts are far more interesting.
Heman Woman Haters Club
Thanks for visiting!
heman(at)gordonsl.com
Visitors since 2/24/2000